tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
