I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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