No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
