So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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