better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
