i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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