Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
