I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
