Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
