Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
