i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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