Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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