No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
