Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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