Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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