I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
