Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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