is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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