I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
