if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
