she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
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Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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