i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
