This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
