You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
