apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
