I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
