mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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