youre lurking in front of me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
