Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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