Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
