My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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