I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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