I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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