false alarm. still invincible.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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