chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I need water and some morals
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
