What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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