Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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