just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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