They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
