K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
