oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
