Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
