i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
