Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
