just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
