i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
