Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
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He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
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People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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