I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
