if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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