1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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