Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
