I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He passed out mid-signature
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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