blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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