Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
