Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
