I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
