Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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