you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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