So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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