help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
