it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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