No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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