If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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