I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
