Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
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tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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