this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
