I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
