I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
