my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she peed on how many people?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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