i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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