Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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