I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
