We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
