No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
