i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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