If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
