I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
