On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
