I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
