I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
