I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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