At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I could fuck to npr.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
